After the dance
by vegi burger
Summary: After Liz's wedding, Lorelai has a lot of thinking to do...


She was being silly. She knew that she was being silly. Ridiculous, really. But she could not stop thinking about it.

She knew this was probably the worst possible time to obsess about anything other than the inn, which would open only days from now. There were still too many things that needed to be done, too many things she needed to be thinking about. But she just couldn't help it. She thought she might be dating Luke.

It was that dance. That dance… wasn't even the first time, or anything. Well, yeah, sure, it was the first time they had danced together, but it wasn't like it was the first time they had touched, or had been close to one another. They'd been friends forever. They'd hugged on more than one occasion. Though… now that she really thought about it, it seems like she had always been distracted by something else… like a giant ice bag freezing her back, or the fear of losing her father, or the inn, or… She had never really been there. But now, there was nothing to distract her, and that feeling of his arm around her waist, her chest pressed against his, her head resting peacefully on his wide, strong, comforting shoulder… The heat that swam up her body with each contact, and the reassuring gaze he gave her, not judging her for giggling and being so silly, instead just taking her hand and… There was nothing there to distract her, and no matter how hard she tried to chase it away, that feeling would just not leave her mind.

She couldn't get that song out of her head. She had to ask Kirk what was its name. He, of course, didn't know. She had to ask Liz, who thought it was wonderful that she thought it was wonderful because it really was a wonderful song and a wonderful choice and T.J. is wonderful and Liz is wonderful and Miss Patty is wonderful and that basically- everything was REALLY wonderful.

Lorelai thought maybe Liz had taken that pot after all.

So she got a copy. She kept listening to it, again and again, replaying it all in her head, franticly searching for clues, signs, and answers. Every time she thought about it- it seemed different. The small gestures, the short conversations, the little innuendos, could all be interpreted in about a million different ways. Well, maybe not with any other guy- they couldn't-- but this was Luke.

And still, there were some things she knew for sure, that remained obvious through every time she replayed the evening in her mind:

_He said she was beautiful. Well, actually, he said she LOOKED beautiful, but that was close enough. She couldn't remember him ever complimenting her so directly. She remembered him saying she was "all dressed up" or that she looked "nice", and even that her eyes were "placed good". But beautiful? Never. It was almost overwhelming, really. Even more overwhelming, though, was how good he looked in that suit_. _Trying to figure out what had promoted that unprecedented statement, she asked: _

"_Is it the flowers?"_

"_The flowers…?"_

"_The flowers, in my hair, that make me so extraordinarily beautiful today?"_

"_Uh, well... They do add… a nice touch, I guess."_

"_So why don't we get you some?"_

"_What?"_

"_You know, to add that 'nice touch'. You said that it…" _

"'_s for girls" _

"_Oh, I think you could pull it off. No, really, a nice, MANLY reef in your hair wouldn't work?"…_

_She wasn't completely sure, but she thought she might have just called him "sexy". Thank god for TJ's brother. Was she really talking about putting flowers on his hair? What the hell was she thinking? And, why, why was she so goddamn nervous?_

_And what was that Carrie woman doing hitting on Luke when he was there with her? What kind of a person does that? They were there together! She knew they were there together! And she had no problem, right in front of her, to just… not to mention that she was married. So what if they were just friends_. But were they there as just friends?

She wasn't sure. When he asked her to come… he looked nervous, like it was really important to him that she'd say yes, that she'd come. He seemed a little self-conscious. He bumped into his truck. It wasn't like him. But it_ was sweet._

_You should never listen to a bride talking on her wedding day, especially if you're single. Makes you think of things better… not thought about. But she did, and it stuck. "You could be married for most of your life". "You'd make a great sister in law someday". "Go on, Luke's waiting". The connection wasn't lost on her. She was so used to putting away those thoughts… _but somehow, these words stuck.

_The ceremony was_… well, the ceremony was ridiculousBut, it was also kind of_… touching. Seeing flighty Liz and etch-a-sketch TJ, somehow managing to cut through all the mess in their lives and in their minds, those two pretty screwed-up, not the brightest, not the most attractive, not the best decision making people- just finding each other, being able to see clear enough into their hearts to put all that BS aside and simply love each other. It was_… to be honest- it was exactly what she was counting on.

_And that look on Luke's face when he was trying so hard not to burst out laughing… and that proud little smile when he realized this could actually work, and that sometimes, even if you're not in your twenties and had suffered through a lot of crap- things can still, somehow, turn out right._

_She wasn't sure what had happened. They were having such a nice time. The food was great, and they talked, and they laughed… but somehow she managed to get him mad. She hated that. She hated that more than anything. She didn't mean to say anything offensive, she was just… conversing. But he got angry, and he took off, and she felt like plastering her mouth or something. She hated fighting with Luke. To get him irritated or embarrassed -- sure, that was all good fun; but when he was really mad at her… she just couldn't take it. The memory of that horrific summer when they weren't speaking was still haunting her. He was such a vital part of her life… she wasn't sure he knew that, but that summer, when she couldn't come to him, drink his coffee, taunt him about whatever, listen to his advice… it had been like suddenly having a leg missing. All that summer she had felt like… she couldn't even stand and feel stable._

_She hoped that little remark wouldn't be the making of another summer like that. After giving him some time, while moving the food around her plate, suddenly not feeling all that hungry, she went to find him, to apologize._

_He was OK. They were OK. That's good. Crisis averted. Now back to the scheduled program. But he didn't want to go back to the scheduled program. He wanted to dance._

"_You said before you don't dance."_

"_Well, I'm a compulsive liar."_

_Really, there was nothing weird about two friends dancing. She had danced with complete strangers before. She had danced with exes. She danced with Rory all the time. Why was it so weird to dance with Luke? Why could she not stop smiling like an eleven year old on her first dance, and why was she dancing like one? She tried to settle herself, reminding herself that she was a grown woman and should at least pretend to act like one, and let herself enjoy the music and her unexpected dance partner. She allowed herself to step closer as he pulled her towards him, suddenly very aware to a strange fluttering feeling in her stomach (that had nothing to do with the periodic food she had just eaten), and how hard breathing could become once you became too aware to the whole process_.

_And then, something happened --_

_For one short moment, they were the only two people in the world._

_They were so close, so tight, that she could feel his heart-beat, pounding away like crazy. _Or was it her own?

_The music filled the place usually filled by the constant rambling of her thoughts. The night air was full of his scent. Her body pressed against his felt so warm, so safe, so right, she didn't even realize that they had stopped moving, and were now just holding each other._

_And then, for a split second, she couldn't help but think how good it would feel, if she could just let her face wander a little, and place a soft kiss on his neck, so close and inviting. One on the side of his neck. One on the side of his jaw line. Another one on his cheek, and finally a soft, sweet, heartfelt one on his lips._

_Then, as suddenly as it had started, the spell was lifted, as without much of a warning or transition, Kirk switched the song to Bananarama's "Venus". The moment was gone, and the dance was over._

_She couldn't think of a single thing to say. Her mind was blank. She soon realized they were still standing in the middle of the dance floor, and had to settle for _

"_Food?"_

"_Huh?"_

"_Food. Do you want to eat now? I know this song just screams 'Luke' and that you probably want to keep dancing, but you've got to be starving," she finished, not sure what was it exactly she just said, but very proud of herself for managing to say anything at all._

_She wrapped her arm around her stomach on their way back to the table. She wasn't sure what to do with her body. She wasn't sure what was it that had just happened, or if he had felt it too. She managed to smile and nod whenever she realized he was looking at her, maybe talking. He was smiling. It wasn't the first time she noticed his smile, but this one was somehow different_. It was all, somehow, very, very different

It wasn't even the first time she had thought about kissing him, she had to admit to herself, letting that often buried voice in the back of her mind have its say. There were many times when she had caught herself thinking about it. There were even several times she had almost done it.

She never really managed to bury the memory of that night when she was helping him pick paint samples for the diner. That moment they had, crouching next to the counter… she knew then that if she wouldn't leave that very moment, she might not be able to hold herself back anymore.

He, on the other hand, never really tried anything. There had been times that she thought maybe… and there had always been a lot of talk… little moments that made her wonder…

But he never tried anything. There had even been times, when against her better judgment and the crazy blinking red light that went off in her head, she had given him little openings, which he never took.

"_Unless there's some other reason"…_

_How she had silently wished for him to say there was. For a moment, she even thought he was going to say it. But he didn't_. He never did. And Sookie wondered why she got so irritated whenever she started yapping about how he had feelings for her…

She had missed him so much when they went to Europe. She only let Rory in on snippets of her thoughts. Everything had somehow reminded her of him. _What he might say. How he might react. How he'd look in this hat instead of that old baseball cap she got him. Whether he went to that cruise with Nicole…_

And he did. He sure did. When he told her, every single one of her brain cells wasidt'you think of things better w word and just finish hers)nd which to leave as they are, without mixing the timing. spinning. She had to sit. How could he do that? How could he get married? How could he not know… he was supposed to wait… and that some day… eventually… it would be her.

How could he not know that! Deep, deep (way deep) inside, she had always known.

Sure, she tried to ignore it. Sure, she tried to move on. She had relationships, went out on dates… For god sakes-- she almost got married! She tried to be a reasonable, responsible adult and move on from childish notions of "meant to be" and "one true love". After much hard work that would no doubt earn her the title of "Queen of denial", she even succeeded in convincing herself that the reason she kept screwing up relationships wasn't him -- it was Christopher. The more she thought about it the more it made sense- after all, it was Christopher who was her friend since childhood, it was Christopher who was the father of her child, and so, naturally, it was Christopher who would have been the one to give her "the whole package". It all made perfect sense. If only there wasn't that constant nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach…

She could still vaguely remember the first time they had met_. She, as luck would have it, was acting like a complete lunatic, anxious for some caffeine. Then she saw him, and she was just… anxious._ _It was too late. She was too deep in her crazy rambling and erratic behavior to be able to stop now._ Sometimes, she really hated that about herself- she would get in a mood, or she would start a bit, and she was completely unable to stop herself until she was done. Usually, it was fun, even if it did get people very irritated with her. But that time… she had just screwed up her chance at a good first impression. _Trying to make up for it, she decided at least to make it a lasting one. Scribbling a note on a piece of news paper in a way that was completely her own, she hoped that he could at least appreciate her sense of humor._ What was it she had said to him? She couldn't really remember_. She wasn't sure exactly why, but she was desperate for him to see her as special. For him to remember her, and as something more than just a caffeine crazed, very rude customer_.

_The next few times they had met, she had tried some more traditional ways to attract his attention. She had flirted her butt off. She had teased him on every single thing she could comment about. She had started wearing skimpier, tighter, more colorful clothes then the comfortable rags she would usually wear when she wasn't working. In her desperation, she had even started calling him "Duke". _None of it had worked. He had matched her every effort. He would flirt back, he would tease back, but nothing seemed to move anywhere, and soon enough, it was too late, and flirting/teasing/annoying each other became- just the way Lorelai, and her grumpy diner owner only-a-friend Luke would communicate. They fell right into that pattern she unintentionally created, and they couldn't get out.

But now… everything was different. She couldn't really point out why, exactly, but she just knew

_On their way back from the wedding, he insisted on walking her home, even though she walked that road about a million and five times by now, and his home and diner were right across the square. She tried her best at small talk, fully aware the whole time, that if this was a date, that good-night kiss would be coming any minute, and that if this had been a date -- she would've kissed him. In truth, if this had been a date, she would have invited him in. The moment she realized that they had stopped talking, she went for a quick exit, preventing what would have doubtlessly come if she stayed there with her thoughts for another second. But he wouldn't let her go. He… he asked her out. To a movie. He could be a movie guy. She liked movies. He set a date and everything. _They'd… watched movies before, but…_ this felt like an ask-out. She couldn't form coherent thoughts anymore, as a big, enormous, monster sized one pushed them all out of the way -- He had felt it too. That moment of moments, familiar and yet so different_… he had felt it too.

She knew that she was being silly. Ridiculous, really. But she couldn't help it.

She thought she might be dating Luke. A thought that made her giddy.

A thought that made her want to dance.


End file.
